Change?

Browsing through the numerous profiles of Facebook today, I'd realised that qutie a number of them have change in a way or another.

And it just seems that, in a mysterious way or another, the girls are always the ones who change the most, in terms of appearance. Hmmm... Hahaha.

Then, today on the bus 858, on the way home, I saw an action. This led me to think - Why is it that some people are just so inconsiderate. Sigh~ I feel like I'm beginning to complain too much. I feel... so not me.

I just to lead an easy & carefree life.

That's all.

I should start looking on the bright side of life more now. August. My August. Where are you? Oh, chatted for a bit with Audrey on Facebook. Was simply too bored. Then was intending to prank call Keith, but didn't managed to find the time to. Damn.

Alright, a bit on more surgery. (Yes! Finally, after 20 years of my life, went through one surgery. Haha. Experienced power of technology huh.) SO, I wasn't put to sleep for the process, as such, totally wide awake. It was local anesthesia, so the doc just kept injecting into my ass. I must have felt around 3 to 5 pricks. Ouch. Waited for a while. Waited. Then he began the operation. There I was, lying butt-naked, waiting to feel something slice my skin open.

Instead. There was nothing at all! Oh my. Throughout the whole thing, just didn't felt a single thing. Well, maybe except for the last part. Where I felt the doc pulling at the strings to tighten the wound. And perhaps for another 2 or 3 pricks from the stitching part.

Yep. So that was about it. Hahaha. Pretty interesting & cool. The nurse and doc was there to chat with me. Okay, more of the nurse, since the doc was more interested in the operation. Yeah, so she was there to keep my boredom out. Heheh.

And to think after that, went to had lunch with Regina. *laughs*

And oh man. Saw Keith's Facebook profile. Sweet. Really sweet.

Good going Keith! And then shortly will be Jerome. Then it'll be me left. Awesome. Hah!

Lonely

Looking at myself in the mirror - who's the tired looking guy staring back at me?

Sigh~

I seem to have grown more white hair now. Man. Just thinking what I'm 'bout to type next gets my blood boiling.

FUCKIN' HELL!! FUCK ALL THIS BULLSHIT! FUCK!!

As the days draw closer towards ORD. My work just seems to get more & more. One problem after another. It's just never ending. And to think that I've been leaving camp at 1900+++ hours everyday last week and the later half of the week before as well. Not that I'm complaining or what. But there's a limit to how much a person can take. FUCK you assholes out there.

3 days medical leave ain't like any medical leave at all. Just yesterday, had to go back camp and settle an investigation. Like they can't just get another officer to do the thing. Get the accused to sign. Get me to sign. Simple. Easy. It's just a fuckin' simple matter of running around in a cab, which is claimable, and everything's done! Fuck you people! And so I have to go back, walk around, take cab here and there, walk some more and all the nonsense. Despite the fact that I'm on a fucking medical leave! Fuck you all fuckers!

And today, just HAVE to call me about computer shits. Can't you shitheads think!? Ooh... Sorry. You can't, I forgot. 'Cos you guys are fucking shitheads! Damn it. It's not like I'm in camp. If I were, I'll face it and try and solve the shit. But No~ You want me to solve the shit from home. Asshole.

And all this. It's not like I can just run away from it just so that I'm on medical leave. If I do, once I get back. Things like, "Edward, you are an Officer. There are things expected of you which could not be in your job-scope at all. (Yea. Like I'm not getting enough secondary appointments and other fucking miscellaneous shits.) But you are still expected to do them. (Like I haven't been doing them, you fucking good-for-nothing.) Blah. Blah. Blah."

And stop quoting me examples, you pea-brain. I know he's a freaking good person. And behaves like an officer. But he's a regular. He's been in this job longer than I've been born. He holds command & respect that I don't. As such. He gets things done easier. If you think all this are easy shit for a temporary worker like me. Then why don't you freakin' put yourself in MY shoes and work from there. You think it's easy for me to face up to those regulars!? HUH!? They're like my fucking seniors!! They're old enough to be my parents! Fucking hell.

I know it wasn't going to be easy from the start. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to accept every single fucking shit coming at me! This is fucking ridiculous. And those fucking suggestions. We fucking gave it to you a long time ago. And you fucking lose them. And you're demanding it from me. Fucker. And you want me fucking chase down people whom I've never seen, heard nor know their names? (Alright, maybe I've their names. But so what!?) It's like chasing ghost. And FUCK!! The emails I sent are fucking useless! No one listens. No one reads. No one does anything DOES ANY SINGLE FUCK SHIT THAT I TELL THEM TO DO!! Make me, a fucking temporary, go down on a fucking Saturday, for one fucking hour. To see no fucking people around when I fucking gave out the instructions! YOU BITCHES DON'T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT CARE ABOUT ALL THESE, DO YOU!? GO OUT AND FUCKING DIE LIKE THE WHORES YOU PEOPLE ARE!

Fuck. All these most certainly are not going to fucking help in my recovery. Too much anger, hatred. Too much. Ouch. And it doesn't help shit that I don't dare to sit down properly. Fuck it.

And then problems after problems. ARGH!!! And there's so many things to do. So many outstanding issues. Bitch. Now, it's like literally a pain in the ass. I mean it. Literally.

My brain, has this little gate now, that's called a floodgate. It works just the same like that of a dam's floodgate. All I have to do, is just think a pea shit thought about work, this floodgates open. Yep. And the next thing you know, all the shit work starts flooding in. And take it that there are many little fishes inside it. So much that you can only see the big fishes. And those fishes represents the fucking workload of mine. And behind this floodgate, I've no idea what it is. I've never been there. But I'm pretty sure it's like those other dams. Where the other side always have more water. So, what's this other side? That's my future man. And who controls the gate? Oh man. Not me, you flatter me by saying that. I'm in no position to control that gate. It's all those fucking pea shit brain of whores who control it. Yep~ Those bastards...

Sigh~

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if it's me or what. Am I just not capable enough? Is this my limit to how much I can handle? I don't like to think of having limits. But I feel like I'd just about it. I'm thinking that all this ain't a lot of work. But it feels like a lot. A vacation won't help anymore. Even if I'm not around, the work will pile up. And when I get back, the workload will just get worse. It's hell in here.

Alone time at home use to be so good. It feels liberating. I feel free. At least use to. No one around to bother me. I can just unwind and do whatever. Let myself leave to be. But now. It's always the office calling me. Not with solutions or updates. But problems. People text me. Not with information. But with problems. Or future problems. Like how tomorrow my half day is going to be a full day. Like how I have to go back camp yesterday.

Life just sucks. It's even worse when I was in Secondary 3, where I felt so suffocated by that whore of an art teacher. Worse than in JC where I was hunted down by that bitch of a geography teacher. And to think I was younger, more inexperienced, more childish. And those were the days where I had zero leadership qualities. Suicidal thoughts man, suicidal thoughts.

Maybe I should find the highest building at my workplace and jump off. You know, make the camp haunted or what. Scare the shit out of those fucking hypocrites. Than again, any tall buildings would suffice in Singapore.

Maybe I should die in style instead. Make it grand. What's the point in dying if it ain't grand and big? You only die once after all. You can't choose how you were born. But you sure can choose how you die. Maybe lie in wait for the train? Nah... That's so cliche now. People had already done it. Perhaps I should give it some thought. Sigh~

Hopefully, my next post will be happier. Filled with pictures perhaps. Oh. Had a surgery on Tuesday. Explains for my 3 days medical leave. Butt naked takes on a whole new different meaning for me now. Hah.