Back in Singapore.

Lookie here. It's been more than half a year since I'd last updated this space. In a way, I guess quite a bit of stuff had happened. I'd graduated. Bummed around while searching for a job. Hanged out with friends. Got a job. Started working. Everyone's getting on with their life.

Part of the reason why I'd decided to be back here, typing away, is 'cos I'm procrastinating from my work. But mainly, it's 'cos I had this sudden impulse & urge to be 'pen' down the gibberish that's going through my mind right about now. Which, kind of feels like it's amounting to nothingness at the moment.

To start off with, I'm working now. Contributing to society, so they say. It's been barely more than a month, but for this past month, it felt like it passed by in a flash. But I guess that's good, right? At least life's not so much a drag if it feels like it's passing by quickly. Colleague's are nice, supervisors & bosses doesn't seem all that bad. Picking things up slowly as they come along. That's about it.

Thinking about it now, it feels quite surreal. Me, getting a job. It just doesn't feel quite real. At least not yet. Not when it's less than a year ago when I still look very much the hippy. Also, you think 25 years of age, isn't all that young to be starting work. But when I think about it, it really is. You have people old enough to be your parents who are your colleagues. When you think about it that way, you realised just how small, young, & naive you are.

So, work's started. Real life sets in. Bills to pay. Debts to return. Thinking about the future. It's scary & daunting.

Enough about work.

Getting on with life. I do kind of miss the days in Australia a little. Especially the weekend mornings, settling down in a café of your choice. Be it your usual haunt, or popping by the new hype. Chancing a hidden find. Or being adventurous enough to try that dubious looking shop down the street. Then there are the weekends where you decide to head out of the metro, take a drive somewhere. Spending 1 to 2 hours, just simply driving along the road at speed. Listening to your tunes, having good company. Chillaxing at a spot. And then, there's the late night cravings. Or simply making a trip to macca's for a quick fix.

Life routine couldn't get any better than that.

On Australia, of course, it brings me back to some of the exhilarating times of my life. And of course, brings me back to some of the down right lowest as well. I was pretty damn down right low at that time. Things weren't working. Future seemed bleak. Perhaps it was good that I was busy at the time, so I had no choice but to push on. But at that point in time, I think I was in a pretty dangerous situation. Thinking back, it could have gotten so so wrong. So so bad.

Not to say I still don't have the thoughts, but at least they're much milder now, more manageable, and very, very, much less frequent. So, give it some time, I'm sure it will all be good again. Internally. Where I'll be able to move on with myself.

I suddenly realised how narcissistic a blog can actually be.

Moving pass that, being back in Singapore for more than a half year, I'm finding people to be such idiots. People as in people on the streets, people in society as a general term. I'm sure most people out there are decent human beings. But as a crowd, as part of the zombie-society, they can be such assholes. Pedestrian, cyclists, drivers, all. Especially the old, bordering old, handicapped, aunties. Oh, how terrible they are. Don't get me started on them.

I think it's a pretty ironic thing to do. To be trying to believe in the good of Singapore society, but at the same time, holding an extremely cynical view of the Singapore society. Take for example, I don't trust those old people out there on the streets, begging for money. I'd ever come across this old lady, greying hair, gaudy clothes from those times, mind you. She came up to me, asking for money. I refused, and walked away. First thing, she was speaking English. Second, she was in the financial district of the city. So many red flags at that.

And then there's the fact there Singaporeans are making their own lives harder for themselves than as it needs to be. It may be naive, and idealistic of me to think this way, but that's what I believe in for now. I realised that most people out there are just too uncompromising on the smallest of things. Taking that further, they harp on the smallest detail and do their damn bestest in finding fault with certain things. They may or may not lost the bigger picture in the process, but that's not the issue. The thing is, as they do so, people around them start doing so as well. To me, it kind of results in this, unforgiving society. Or even better, what they call "protect your backside" behaviour. It kind of dull things, makes certain stuff unnecessary, wasting time in trying to do things the 'right' way. Or diverting time away from making a more quality finish and actually improving, whatever it is they're working on.

Well, let just say that this is just one of those things I find disturbing after spending this short time in Singapore. It's not disgusting, not yet. It's more... How to put it. More perplexing than anything to me.

The way I see it, it's like a slow poison that seeps into an individual, without them realising it at all.